well what i think i want and what i think i need ...
as some of you may know my girlfriend of 3 years decided my best mate was much better prospect because he 'understood' her and wouldnt 'hold her back'. after a 2 week fling she realised that he was just another bloke telling her whatever she wanted to hear and actually he was a pr!ck.
anyways i couldnt let her go and have never stopped talking to her. Its been nearly a year now and we still chat and we've seen each other every so often to chat and look out for each other.
i guess it's been about 3 months now since shes out right cut my ex bast mate out of her life. (he claimed depression [i know its a real thing] in all honesty i believe it was atention seeking and a way to get time alone with people)
and i feel like i can almost trust her again.
I still love her (those years aren't gonna be forgotten easily) and she was pretty much my 1st proper long term girl friend.
anyways we were talking the other night and she told me taht shes now sort of dating this guy ... it's really knocked me for 6.
over the year that we've been apart shes seen maybe 3 guys. I've just seen 1 girl, which was maybe a month after we split up and it only lasted a month or so because i just didnt feel much for her.
I dunno if it was because i felt so much for my ex that every feeling since has just felt dull comapred or what?
i think that i want my ex back .. but do i really want her back or is it just a knee jerk reaction to her seeing this guy?
i've kinda wanted her back since she stopped contact with my old mate so its not just from this new guy being on the scene.
it probably doesnt help that one of my closest mates has just let a perfectly good girl slip through his fingers because of jealousy. His heart ache has kinda unearthed mine so i cant be around him for too long. (harsh i know)
people have said all the cliches "plenty more fish..." "love finds you when you least expect it" etc but cliches dont help
i hate it, i hate being single when all my mates are settling down with houses and kid etc
i know i'm only 23 at the end of this month and it sounds so mellow dramatic but i dont wanna be left on the shelf lol
i dont really help myself because i'm so shy, could never do the chatting up a girl in a bar or anything like that.
I'm better suited to friends of friends because i already know a fair amount of commonground so its easy to build upon..
argh i dont even know what i'm asking in this thread, i just kidna need to write it down and get it out.
do i wanna be with my ex again or is it just because she's seeing someone new? Is this just me being backed into a corner and trying to grab on to something?!
cheers for reading anyways
sorry if your rolling your eyes shouting "man up Will you ****!"