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Thread: Staff Xmas Party

  1. #1
    trenchy's Avatar
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    Staff Xmas Party

    FROM: Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    RE: Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
    on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
    Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
    small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.

    And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa
    Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.

    Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no
    gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for
    everyone's pockets.

    This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
    special announcement at the Party.

    Merry Christmas to you and your Family


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    FROM: Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 5th December
    RE: Holiday Party

    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
    We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
    with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
    we're calling it our 'Holiday Party.' The same policy applies to any other
    employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or
    Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your

    Happy now?

    Happy Holidays to you and your family,

    Patricia .

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    FROM; Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE : 6th December

    RE: Holiday Party

    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    requesting a non-drinking didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
    accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
    Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle
    this? Somebody?

    Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the
    Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management
    believe £10.00 is a little cheap.


    Patricia .

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    FROM: Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees

    DATE: 7th December

    RE: Holiday Party

    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
    Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during day
    l i ght hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
    luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
    beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
    the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home
    in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

    Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
    from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
    the toilets, Gays a re allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not
    have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

    Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.

    To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing
    allowed. And No, no blow-up sheep.

    We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
    available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
    food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food
    first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
    cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

    Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

    Patricia .
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    FROM: Patricia Harris , Human Resources Director
    TO: All F***** G Employees

    DATE: 8 December

    RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

    Vegetarian *****s I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
    party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
    quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
    quaintly put it.

    You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you
    know tomatoes have feeling, too.

    They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
    scream right NOW!!

    Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die!

    The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

    DATE: 12th December

    RE: Patricia Harris and Holiday Party

    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patricia a speedy recovery, and
    I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

    In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
    instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full

    Honda Civic Type R

  2. #2
    robokn's Avatar
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    Funny, but quite true
    The bitterness of poor quality is remembered long after the sweetness of low price is forgotten.

  3. #3
    Paul's Avatar
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    Sad that most of that is true

  4. #4
    James's Avatar
    The Modfather
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    Sounds familiar! I wonder why.
    "Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel, is only the train coming to finish you off"

    The skunk is not dead, it just has a new smell!

  5. #5
    cabriomatt's Avatar
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    I'm 23 and I'm a PC........ NOT!

    Thats rediculous I think she handled it in the perfect way tho lol
    rude not 2...

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