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Thread: I've been doing archeaological research into weak jokes..

  1. #1
    trenchy's Avatar
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    I've been doing archeaological research into weak jokes..


    1. Two blondes walk into a building .... you'd think at least one of them
    would have seen it.

    2. Phone answering machine message ... 'If you want to buy marijuana,
    press the hash key.'

    3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
    The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

    4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
    find any.

    5. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
    couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are
    too high.'

    6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

    7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
    'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you
    can't, I've cut your arms off.'

    8. I went to a seafood disco last week ... and pulled a muscle.

    9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
    craft and it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
    and heat it too.

    10 Our ice-cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
    hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

    11. A man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
    The doctor says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

    12. 'Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That's
    the Tom Jones syndrome. ''Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

    13. A man takes his Rotweiller to the vet 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there
    anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at
    him.' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
    Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down' 'What, because he's
    cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy.'

    14. A guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up
    my backside.' 'How's that?' ...........'Don't you start!'

    15. Two elephants walk off a cliff ... boom, boom!

    16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give
    me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for

    18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people
    in my family. It's not me so it's either my Mum, my Dad, my older brother
    Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. I think it's Colin.

    19. Two fat blokes in a pub. One says to the other, 'Your round.' The
    other one says, 'So are you, you fat git!'

    20. Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid and
    the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one

    21. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They
    left a little note on my windscreen which said, 'Parking Fine.' So that
    was nice.

    22. A man walked into the doctor ' and said, 'I've hurt my arm in several
    places.' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore.'

    23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small
    two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue
    workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to rise
    as digging continues into the night.

    You know you love it.... lol
    Honda Civic Type R

  2. #2
    Mrs Moon's Avatar
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    5. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
    couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are

    too high.'

    oldie but goodie this 1 always makes me smile lol
    Man in the sky murders 40 thousand in Tsunami.

  3. #3
    Mz-Dust's Avatar
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    LOL some ace ones there

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    Ste-Astra's Avatar
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    lol... number 19 made me chuckle

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