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Thread: Request: Recessionary Jokes to Cheer us Up

  
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    Request: Recessionary Jokes to Cheer us Up

    Right anyone got any recession jokes to cheer us up?

    Heres one I heard today to start us off.

    A man was walking over a bridge when out of the corner of his eye he sees another man standing on the handrail surveying the deep dark water below. Suddenly the man on the handrail picks up the courage and jumps off the bridge plunging all the way down into the raging river below.

    Seeing this the first man quickly rips off his clothing and taking a deep breath he launches himself off the bridge after the first man. He swims with all his might, fighting hard against the current until finally he reaches him and with a brave effort he reaches out and manages to grasp hold of his clothing.

    "Ah thank you! Thank you", says the jumper "Finally someone who cares! You have come to save my life".

    "Nah. Not really mate", says the first man "I just wanna find out where you work!"

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    White is the new Black

    FARMYARD TUNING

    LEH IS THE FUTURE

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    25 stores closed...
    1230 jobs cut...

    This is not just any Recession...

    This is an M&S Recession.

    **************************

    Everyone's feeling the bite of the credit crunch - even the porn industry is said to be on its knees.

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    will have to keep an eye on this thread.

    MArk

    MK4 Astra Van 1.7 DTI Sportive

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    I went to the cash point the other day and it said "Insufficient Funds".

    I wasn't sure if they meant them or me!

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    My van estimated @£15000 has cost the company £2000 trying to fix a fault.
    The garage told me to leafe it unlocked in bristol.
    Someone must have told the locals how much its gunna cost to repair it as even they won't steel it.


    The news reported today states that mr G Brown has fallen out with his mum because she wouldn't let him have his favorite chocolate bar.
    Upon investigation said sugery treat was found out to be called Cadbury's Credit crunch.
    I'm like a bad penny, old, dirty, and appears when not wanted.
    Guess who's writing a victorian fantasy book. #JamesPurcell #The Diaries of James Purcell

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    I robbed the bank last week...

    I got 15 billion pounds of debt.
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    With the world's banking system on its knees, Iceland's economy is on the brink of bankruptcy.

    Mind you they should have known not to trust a ****ing scouser. That Kerry Katona has had her thieving fingers in the till or I'm a monkey's uncle.
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    Financial Advice in these dark times.

    If you had purchased $1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago, it would now be worth $4.95.

    With HBOS, earlier this week, your $1000 would have been worth $16.50.

    $1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than $5.

    But if you bought $1000 worth of Tennents Lager one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminum recycling plant, you would get $214.

    So, based on the above statistics, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?

    Start off with a large one.

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    Ok Guys - very good contributions so far. Now check this out.

    Dear Employee,

    Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement.

    Persons selected for early retirement by management will be glad to hear they will now qualify for our new SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Thereafter, any person who has been SHAFTED by Management will also be eligible under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). Please Note: A person may be SHAFTED and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

    Workers who have been SHAFTED can also get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who get AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

    Persons who are not SHAFTED and are staying on will receive as much S*H*I*T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of S*H*I*T it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough S*H*I*T, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor as they have been specially trained to make sure you get all the S*H*I*T you can handle.

    Yours Sincerely

    The Management Team

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