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Thread: More friday morning humour

  
  1. #1
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    More friday morning humour

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?

    The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars'.

    'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.

    The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
    • 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
      Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
      Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
      Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
      Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

    What's it tell you, Tonto?'

    'You dumber than buffalo sh*t. It means someone stole the tent'.
    Astra sold ... replaced with a Skoda ... soon to be replaced with another Vauxhall

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    Sometimes we think (as the saying goes) the grass is greener on the other side. So we take a leap of faith and without considering the implications we plunge our selves into a new venture or a situation.

    Now sometimes we succeed but at other times we do not. If we are lucky, we may get a relative, friend, or maybe even a stranger help us out but we should remember that not everyone that comes to us when we are in difficulty is there to help us. Sometimes they have other motives.

    Astra sold ... replaced with a Skoda ... soon to be replaced with another Vauxhall

  3. #3
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    Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex 3 times a night.Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.

    After the show, Cilla says,'Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer. Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun.

    So they went back to her place and got comfortableAfter a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.

    Afterwards, Sean says, 'If you think that was good,let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex.But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willie in your right hand'. Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says 'Okay'.

    He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before. Then Sean says, 'Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to.......' 'I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun'.

    Cilla complies with the routine.The results this time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks 'Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?'





    Sean replies, 'No, not at all Cilla, but the last time I shlept with a scouser,the bitch stole ma wallet !'
    Astra sold ... replaced with a Skoda ... soon to be replaced with another Vauxhall

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    Dan22's Avatar
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    haha all brilliant

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    pmsl at the last one


  6. #6
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    PMSL they are all good.

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    2000, 1.6 8v, 148k miles-156k now 160k and not far off dyeing. Oh and still growing. -There may be spelling mistakes in my posts but at least you still understand it

  8. #8
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    i like the first one the most =)

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