A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way, I'm a defective parrot."
"Good Grief!" the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me."
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah," the guy says. "Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says. "This is very embarrassing but since you asked I'll tell you. I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English, can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sport, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at Greek mythology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the £200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssst," says the parrot. "I'm defective. So the truth is nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You'll probably get me for £50, just make the guy an offer."
The guy offers £20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathises and is insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and parrot goes, "Pssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it is about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black negligee and kissed him passionately."
"WHAT????" the guy shouts. "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her negligee, kissing and petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "THEN WHAT?"
"He got down on his knees and continued to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down."
"WELL," demands the frantic guy. "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Buggered if I know," replied the parrot, "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"