A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?' Shereplies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.'
'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up withyou.' 'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of rawmaterial I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum treebranches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern camefrom a Eucalyptus tree.'
'But, where did you get the tools?'
'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed, I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.'
The guy is stunned.
'Let's row over to my place,' she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly fallsoff the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she sayscasually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you
like a drink?'
'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed.
'I can't take another drop of coconut juice.' 'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?'
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit downon her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the womanannounces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would youlike to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroomcabinet.'
No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed toa hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?'
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategicallypositioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sitdown next to her.
'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure youreally feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?' She stares into his eyes .
He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes.....
'F**king hell, don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?'