Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Top Tips we should all follow???

  
  1. #1
    Status
    Offline
    Mrs Moon's Avatar
    AOC Obsessed
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    1,670
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)

    Top Tips we should all follow???

    DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

    *CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p*ss before the film starts.

    *RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

    *DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

    *WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

    *MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

    *BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking Out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.

    *EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

    *MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.

    *GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

    *BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

    *ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

    *Land Rover drivers. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

    *PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

    *CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

    *DEPRESSED people. Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

    *MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

    Man in the sky murders 40 thousand in Tsunami.

  2. #2
    Status
    Offline
    astra-sxi's Avatar
    AOC Obsessed
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    5,607
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)
    Some of those are quite good.
    ^Click above if yae are^
    >< Proud To Be Scottish ><

  3. #3
    Status
    Offline
    untouchable's Avatar
    Yer...I'm nuts!!
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Hampshire
    Posts
    9,405
    Mentioned in
    1 Post(s)
    Quoted
    2 Post(s)
    Follow untouchable On Twitter
    lol I like those, except I have two gerbils who get to do all my shredding, so unfortunately I dont have any use for the mass of dog poo my 3 dogs evacuate every day


  4. #4
    Status
    Offline
    Sami's Avatar
    The Invisible Woman
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Drives
    Zafira
    Location
    Garelochhead, but now Northampton
    Posts
    12,675
    Mentioned in
    50 Post(s)
    Quoted
    7 Post(s)
    hehehe, i like those
    Why not sign up and join us.
    Become a member today

Similar Threads

  1. Follow me home...
    By willbaroo in forum Electrical
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 27-11-2008, 21:32
  2. Z20 LEL fitting follow up
    By Pengoo in forum Turbo Petrol Engines inc. Transmissions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 17-08-2006, 22:52
  3. the follow up
    By Gazza in forum Astra Discussion & Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 10-08-2005, 12:22

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •