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Thread: The rules according to men

  1. #1
    Oddjob's Avatar
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    The rules according to men

    Not sure if this is a repost but I found it amusing so what the hell.

    "The Rules" according to men
    We are always hearing "the rules" from the female side.
    Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
    Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
    down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down!

    1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not a contest to see if we
    can find the perfect present yet again!

    1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

    1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short
    hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it thatway.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
    work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

    1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
    we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Check your oil! Please.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
    all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
    act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
    makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

    1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we
    were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
    example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
    what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
    ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's
    wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some
    war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

    1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
    No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

    1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

    1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
    tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping out!
    52 Astra G 1.8, 18" Mille Miglia alloys, 325mm Brembo 4 pot conversion, Coupe leather interior, Raid strut brace, Whiteline rear ARB, Irmscher bits (skirts, Carbon steering wheel, Bonnet extension, M3 mirrors, boot & roof spoiler), Reiger Rear Diffuser & Front Bumper, Koni Adj. dampers, 35/30 Vogtland springs, Duplex quad exit ASCAR stainless exhaust.

  2. #2
    MK4_Estate's Avatar
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    Its so true! And when ur on the sofa, to make it really like camping, build a fort too!
    Sitting on 18s and a 50mm drop 888 Sparco interior. Tints, and body mods on the way!
    Project 35% complete. - Check us out out!

  3. #3
    IainL's Avatar
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    That is all soo true lol. And the best thing is, its not nasty or anything, its just facts. pmsl at seeing only 16 colours like windows default settings :-)
    I>< Silver Coupe ><I

  4. #4
    NEVE'O's Avatar
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    All of the above is spot on lol

  5. #5
    Dunsy's Avatar
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    that was an easy way to tell her all those things Now she is talking about why they make toilets so big because she falls down it if the toilet seat is up.
    EK9 Type R

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