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Thread: Friday funnies xxx

  
  1. #1
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    doolallyladee's Avatar
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    Smile Friday funnies xxx

    This JellyBean walks into a bar and gets talking to a Smartie.
    After a few beers the Smartie says
    "Ere, do you fancy going to that new club in town?"
    JellyBean says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in.
    " So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you."
    So JellyBean says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me." and off they went.
    After a few more beers in the club, three Vapour Drops walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under a table, the Vapour Drops take one look at JellyBean and start kicking him, punching him and generally having a laugh.
    After a while they get bored and walked out. Jelly Bean pulls his battered Jelly Bean body over to the table and wipes his Jelly Bean blood up and turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me?" "I was!" says Smartie, "But those Vapour Drops are f**king menthol !!!"




    Little Tom was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked,
    "What are you up to there, Tom?"
    "My goldfish died," replied Tom tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
    The neighbour was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
    Tom patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your f***** cat."
    Bungee Jumping

    Suicide for indecisive people.

  2. #2
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    Al's Avatar
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    Heard the first one before. Second was amusing though

  3. #3
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    pmsl at the second one!

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    A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
    The son sees his mom and asks, "what were you and Dad doing?"
    The mother replies, "well, you know your dad has a big tummy athe moment well sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flaten it."
    "Your wasting your time," said the boy.

    "Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.

    "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on
    her knees and blows it right back up."
    Bungee Jumping

    Suicide for indecisive people.

  5. #5
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    peter_bfc's Avatar
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    lol at the second two
    ...COME AND JOIN IN THE FUN...

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    A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

    LOL

  7. #7
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    astra coup'e's Avatar
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    Some funny ones there
    Gav Coup'e se2

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