A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”
The dog looked puzzled.
“But that would make no sense at all.”
Two racehorses are talking one day. One says
"You know I always seem to start well in a race, but after about halfway I start to get tired and slow down a bit"
"Yes I'm exactly the same" says the other
Meanwhile an alsatian who happened to be passing overheard this and said
"Excuse me - I think what you need to do is come out of the starting gate a little bit slower. Just keep up with the leaders, conserve your strength, then give it everything for the last 100 yards"
And one horse turned to the other and said:
"Bugger me, a talking dog!"
A female constable arrested a man for drunk driving.
She tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent - Anything you say can and will be held against you."
The drunk replies, "boobs"