well the minor point first - I've known for a while that my brakes were going to need replacing "at some point" but were an MOT pass in December, so intended to uprate the front discs and rear drums before my eventual engine swap later this year. (I have to wait due to lack of funds due to my crappy minimum wage job that I'm trying to get out of - I'm job hunting atm)
Anyway on monday night the front brakes started SCREECHING (drivers side disc was just about disintegrating around the edge - can safely say they are ****ed.
Tuesday morning the vet came to look at my horse Bish, I've had him since he was a week old (he's 4 now) and bottle fed him when he was a baby until we found a foster mum for him, got him through pneumonia as a baby etc, so he's pretty special to me, but he's had a tumour on his face (apparently "non malignant") since he was a year old, which we've been treating for the last 3 years, have tried every treatment available and spent over £1k on, but the treatments either don't work at all, or make it dissapear then it comes back twice as bad twice as fast.
he's also been lame (had a sore foot/leg) for a while recently, so I tried resting him by confining him to his stable for the last 2 months to see if total rest resolved it but it hasn't, so thats what the vet was mainly coming to investigate yesterday.
Anyway it needs investigating further (nerve blocks/X rays/bone scans etc) to find out what's going on, which costs a lot of money, and will probably only be inconclusive or requre surgery (for surgery you're talking in excess of £2k, I've been there before with one of my horses who luckily was insured, and spent about a year and £4k and STILL had to have lher put down at the end of it)
In short I talked to the vet about the fact that I have NO money, and if as he says the prognosis is poor anyway that even if money was not an option we could throw money at it and still get no further forward, then is it actually worth it, taking into account the added complication of his skin cancer that we can't treat, and would it be more practical to have him put to sleep. The vet agrees that that would be the right decision, the most logical and practical thing to do, hard though it is.
Btw I keep my horse where I work at a competition/livery yard.
After I told my boss this she went irrational at me, snapping that it's my horse and if that's what I really want to do then it's up to me, but being really nasty about it as if I'm being selfish in some way to have him put down.
Anyway I left in tears, not having needing her to have a go at me when I'm already feeling upset, and went to get my brakes looked at.
Robert at auckside motors gave me a big hug when I broke down in tears again there, he dropped all his work (he had been in the middle of spraying a car, had about 4 up on ramps in the workshop being worked on and more parked up outside waiting) and insisted on driving me home, picking up some new vectra discs and some calipers, fixing my car that afternoon, and coming to pick me up when he'd done it, giving me another big hug and telling me that I wasn't to pay him anything until I could afford it and that there was no rush.
After all that was sorted I got a text from my boss saying "if you want bish to be examined I'll pay for it and you can pay me back" - nice sentiment but I CAN'T ever afford to pay her back as long as I'm working for her on that wage, and besides even if we do investigate the lameness and find out what it is, I still can't afford to treat it, and even if I could, the vet says there are no garuntees it'll even work, as we both know from having done this before. So I'd just be wasting money that I can't afford.
(BTW before anyone suggests it, the PDSA (1) don't do horses, and (2) don't give veterinary payment support to people unless they have proof that they're on benefits, and the RSPCA would just take him and put him down anyway, as they wouldn't find it cost effective to treat him either - I have a friend who works for the RSPCA)
In work this morning my boss was in a right mood and at morning break, started laying into me about my horse, about how she'd spent £5k on one of her horses and it had come right (yeah fine if you HAVE £5k knocking about down the back of the sofa - her mummy and daddy pay for everything and she doesn't live in the real world, she's hever had to struggle for anything in her whole life, gets it all on a plate)
THEN she handed me the ultimatum that either I take the loan (that I can't afford) off her to get the lameness investigated, or I will have to remove my horse from the farm as she won't allow me to have him put down on her premises, as she wants nothing to do with it. I can't even afford to take him off the yard, I have no transport, nowhere to take him, and it is completley irrational to behave as if I'm cruel for having MY horse put to sleep becase I have reached that decision with a VET, it's not a case of "I dont want him any more" - there is nothing I want more than for him to live a long and happy life but he can't do that lame, and his prospects are not good even WITH treatment, I am living in the real world and being practical.
I can't believe she is trying to FORCE me to take money off her that I can't afford that will be a wasted effort and only prolong his suffering, all because SHE thinks that if he was HER horse she'd spend all the money it took to fix him. Well SHE has money, I DON'T because I work for HER in a shitty job on a wage that I can't live on, I owe my sister £500 that I can't afford top pay her back yet, I can't afford to pay rent to her yet, hell she even bought me a loaf of bread yesterday because I didn't even have enough cash for food until payday (friday) I tried explaining this to my boss but she just can't compremend the idea that there are people in the world who don't have their own personal money tree for cash whenever they want it. I tried explaining that even the RSPCA would just put him down if I signed Bish over to them but lshe won' thave it and started yelling at me, reducing me to tears again.
I even need to raise £300 to have him put down (vet callout, euthanasia and disposal fees - the hunt can't shoot him and feed him to the hounds because he's had so much chemotherapy on this tumour) I called the saddler who sold me my saddle last year (never used since I bought it) to see if he'd take it back to sell on second hand as that'd raise me around £500 but he won't do that. I've called another saddler who might be willing to buy it but I can't take it to him until friday afternoon when I've got money to put enough petrol in the car to get there, I only have enough to get to and from work till then, not all the way to gateshead and back.
Boss argues that if I'm selling the saddle I can use that money to investigate the lameness but even then I won't be able to afford to treat it, and then I'll STILL have to raise more money to have him put down anyway.
My boss has put me in an impossible situation, and it's the last thing I needed right know, I've been crying on and off all day and struggling to keep it together at work, boss gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the day and no matter how I try to explain it to her she won't listen.
So, rant over.
Oh and btw as I'm not on MSN much and not on the forums often atm it's because I'm staying at a friends' house while my sister's has the builders/decorators in.
Want to say a big thanks to everyone who has called/texted me yesterday and today with hugs and support, it really means a lot to me, you know who you are.