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Thread: Patients Doctors Notes : Jokes

  1. #1
    Turbo_Scott's Avatar
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    Patients Doctors Notes : Jokes

    1: Patient has chest pains if she lies on her side for over a year

    2: On the 2nd day the knee was better, on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

    3: She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

    4: The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

    5: The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

    6: Discharge status : Alive but without permission

    7: Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

    8: The patient refused an autopsy.

    9: The patient has no past history of suicides.

    10: Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

    11: Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

    12: Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

    13: Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

    14: Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

    15: She is numb from her toes down.

    16: White in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

    17: The skin was moist and dry.

    18: Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

    19: Patient was alert and unresponsive.

    20: Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

    21: She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

    22: I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

    23: Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. X, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

    24: Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

    25: Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

    26: Patient appears responsive, but unable to communicate with me.

    27: Bladder is under control, but cannot stop urine from seeping.

    28: Heart problem is fixed. Patient died at 10:07 this morning.

    29: Complains of chest pains occasionally. Otherwise just a pain.

    30: Patient is always telling me about her pains and problems. This remains a significant pain to me.

    31: The blood workup showed no antibodies present. Need the rest of the blood to be sure, however.

    32: If it weren't for the fact that the patient is dead, I would say he was in perfect health.

    33: Testicles are missing on this woman.

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  2. #2
    tees2.2's Avatar
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    lol....very strange ones in them

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