Scottish Thermometer (Fahrenheit)
40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Scotland sunbathe.
35 degrees - Italian cars won't start.
People in Scotland drive with the windows down.
20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.
15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state.
People in Scotland go swimming in the sea.
0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on.
People in Scotland have a last barby before it gets cold.
-10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct.
People in Scotland lick flagpoles.
-20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico.
People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.
-80 degrees - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic.
Scottish Boy Scouts postpone winter survival exercise until it gets cold enough.
-100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Scotland wear a vest and pull down their ear flaps.
-173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes.
People in Scotland are angry 'cos they can't thaw their whisky kegs.
-297 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt.
Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
-460 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Scotland start saying " A bit hill billy ... eh? "
-500 degrees - Hell freezes over.
Scottish people support England in the World Cup