Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Life Theories

  1. #1
    offspring86's Avatar
    AOC Fanatic
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    0 Post(s)

    Life Theories


    1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
    Thyroid problem?

    2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
    realised that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked
    him to forgive me.

    3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go

    4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my
    step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

    5) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.
    But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break
    my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was
    sticks and stones all the way.

    6) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably
    why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

    7) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd
    better have a good hand.

    I saw six men kicking and punching the
    mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No,
    Six should be enough.'

    9) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of

    10) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they
    get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

    11) You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

    Peter Kay's questions...

    1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

    2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to
    core of the earth

    3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your backside

    5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is
    stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

    6. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    7. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
    centuries' have a 'use by' date?

    8. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
    crisp no one would eat?

    9. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

    10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
    these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

    11. What do people in China call their good plates?

    12. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
    point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom?

    13. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

    14. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    15. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over billion
    in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you here is wet
    somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

    16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
    you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the

    Peter Kay's Universal Truths

    1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

    2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

    3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
    pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

    4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat
    green crisps.

    5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into

    6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

    7) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a
    fire in your back garden.

    Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

    9) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

    10) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

    11) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

    12) The most embarrassing thing you can do as
    schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

    13) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
    through and then raced against the flush.

    14) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

    15) You never ever run out of salt.

    16) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
    your hand or head stuck in something.

    17) No one knows the origins of their metal coat

    1 Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had
    arm broken by a swan.

    19) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on
    upturned plug.

    20) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

    21) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
    specifically to stir paint with.

    22) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

  2. #2
    Sam T's Avatar
    AOC Newbie
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    0 Post(s)
    20) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

    Thats is oh so true! Why is that??

  3. #3
    Dani's Avatar
    AOC Obsessed
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    0 Post(s)
    i love peter kay...i wanna go and see him
    Addicts dont do cocaine...They merely just like the smell of it

Similar Threads

  1. Conspiracy Theories...
    By bigstring in forum Chit Chat and a Warm Welcome!
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 27-03-2009, 14:11

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts