Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Because I'm A Man

  
  1. #1
    Status
    Online
    PENDO's Avatar
    AOC Fanatic
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    795
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)

    Because I'm A Man

    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. The AA is not an option. I will win.

    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either $ex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
    Vectra SRi 1.9 cdti 150

  2. #2
    Status
    Offline
    Sten's Avatar
    AOC Obsessed
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Paisley ,
    Posts
    16,452
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)
    Yup, all sounds about right to me
    Previous Astras: 1994 Cesaro 1.8 16v | 2002 SXi 1.6 16v | 2001 Coupé 2.0 Turbo | 1999 LS 1.6 16v
    Other Vauxhalls: 2001 Vectra 1.8 16v| 2003 Vectra GSi 3.2 V6 | 2005 Signum CDTi 150

  3. #3
    Status
    Offline
    Vauxylady's Avatar
    AOC Gold Member
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    13,721
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)
    men lol .....


    Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

  4. #4
    Status
    Offline
    AMZ's Avatar
    AOC Regular
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    203
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)
    OMG how ture is all of that!!!
    Amz & Zara coming through

  5. #5
    Status
    Offline
    mr chris's Avatar
    AOC Fanatic
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    699
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)
    that is the way of the man

  6. #6
    Status
    Offline
    Coupe t1m's Avatar
    AOC Obsessed
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    1,974
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)
    I take it there was a womans version to go with this but there wasnt enough bandwidth?!
    1.9CDTi (150) SRi XP Sportshatch
    Heated Leather Seats - Cruise Control - Climate Control - 18" Pentas - Auto Light & Sight - Electrical Folding Mirrors - Sat Nav

  7. #7
    Status
    Offline
    Al's Avatar
    Turbo Jizz Golfer !
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    8,200
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)
    Nice one

    Now waiting for someone to put the 'because i am a woman' version up lol.

  8. #8
    Status
    Offline
    73anth's Avatar
    AOC Fanatic
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    404
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)
    " i wasn e-mailed this today"


    You may have already seen this but its worth re-reading.

    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

    Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

    Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please
    note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports.
    It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
    And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
    See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become null and void after7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
    to
    act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don 't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
    makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do someth ing or tell us how you want it
    done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
    Pumpkin is also a fruit.
    We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
    we will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying,
    but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
    expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
    fine...Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
    discuss such topics as football, any other sport, or cars.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape.
    Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
    but did you know men really don't mind that?
    It's like camping.



  9. #9
    Status
    Offline
    mr chris's Avatar
    AOC Fanatic
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    699
    Mentioned in
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)
    pmsl nice 1

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •