An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter.
I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress."she says.
Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. No" she replies. This time it's mayonnaise."
Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take the red one."
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her,
"Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13.
Please be careful!" It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of them!"
Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; There's blood everywhere.
The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"