A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes
into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."
A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman.
He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book.
It says that American Indians have the longest penises and Italian men are
the best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
"Tonto Tortolini, nice to meet you."
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his
wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back
over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number
of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it,
but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once
that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put
my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My! God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired"
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh..she got fired too."
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years
ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as
jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples
are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other
is in your oatmeal."