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    Chuck Norris

    Not to be outdone by the Fool Mr T, here's a few truths about Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

    If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "BOOYA".

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

    On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

    Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

    When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

    It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

    Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a Baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.

    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

    God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

    Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

    A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

    Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess.
    When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.

    Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

    Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

    Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

    Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

    If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

    Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

    Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

    When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

    We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it.

    Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

    In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in Total Recall.

    Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

    If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris

    Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

    Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.

    In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

    Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno.

    Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

    Chuck Norris invented water.

    Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a hot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"

    One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

    Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within

    3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following
    symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

    Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

    Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.

    Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

    Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.

    In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks

    Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer.

    Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

    When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

    Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

    Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

    It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

  2. #2
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    lol ... now we need one for THE HOFF
    Fastest, Most Powerful & Only Mag Featured Astra In The AOC Cumbrian Region

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    great
    Ibiza FR CR TDI with 203 BHP

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    Well, thanks for clearing that up! I did wonder....
    From the Southeast? Find your next meet here


    The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence is limited.

    At least I have chicken!

    WellOilBeefHooked

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    Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno.

    Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

    quality! lovin it!

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    Cameron Ginger Diaz
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    Who's Chuck Norris?


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    From the Southeast? Find your next meet here


    The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence is limited.

    At least I have chicken!

    WellOilBeefHooked

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    Lol - I love chuck......

  9. #9
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    Cameron Ginger Diaz
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    Still haven't a clue


  10. #10
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    Specially for you, Shev - click

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