A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an ear-ring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into ear-rings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an ear-ring," he replies sheepishly.
"So, really? How long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in our bed."
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55
mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at
him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years,
but, I want a divorce."
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60
She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of
it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend,
and he's a much better lover than you."
Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his
She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up,
and now is doing 70 mph.
She says, "I want the kids, too."
The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's
up to 80 mph.
She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the
credit cards, too."
The husband slowly starts to veer toward
a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything
The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."
She asks, "What's that?"
The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph,
"I've got the airbag!"