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Thread: xmas jokes

  1. #1
    Vauxylady's Avatar
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    xmas jokes

    An male elf was so paranoid about the size of his willy that he could
    never work up the courage to have sex. Then one day he fell in love
    with a elf nurse.

    One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft
    music and led him into the bedroom. Totally mortified, he told her of
    his problem.

    "Don't worry," She said. "I'm a nurse. I won't laugh."

    Blushing the man drops his trousers. "It's OK," she said. "I've seen lots
    smaller than that."

    "Really?" the relieved elf asked.

    She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled, "I used to work in the maternity unit."

    The Top 15 Reindeer Games

    15. Strip poker with Santa's granddaughter

    14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass

    13. Spin the Salt Lick

    12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers

    11. Moose or Dare

    10. Flying into the "No Fly Zone" over Iraq just to watch Saddam do a slow
    burn and Santa dampen his Depends

    9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo

    8. The Annual Turn-Frosty-Yellow-from-50-Paces Contest

    7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot

    6. Convince the Elves to Eat "Raisinets"

    5. Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass

    4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen

    3. Elf Tossing

    2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey

    and the Number 1 Reindeer Game...

    1. The "Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer" Drinking Game

    Santa's Pickup Lines

    10. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
    9. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
    8. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
    7. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
    6. I know when you`ve been bad or good--so let`s skip the small talk, sister!
    5. Some of my best toys run on batteries... <wink wink>
    4. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that`s what the Mrs. calls it.
    3. I see you when you`re sleeping--and you don`t wear any underwear, do you?
    2. Screw the "nice" list--I`ve got you on my "naughty" list!
    1. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

    The 3 Stages Of Life

    1) You believe in Santa Claus
    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus
    3) You are Santa Claus

    Top 10 Comments Made By The Reindeer During Their Xmas Flight

    10. "Sheesh! What's he been eating this year? ROCKS?"

    9. "He shouts all our names all the time, sure, but do you really think he
    knows which one is which?"

    8. "I never knew Donner had a tattoo THERE."

    7. "Sure...HIS seat is a flotation device. What about us?"

    6. "Tried those new lite oats? You really should."

    5. "Man, I hope we pause on a rooftop soon. I'm beat."

    4. "HEY! Watch the antlers there, buddy!"

    3. "Did you hear you-know-who got a nose job?"

    2. "You know, after a few hundred miles, these jingling bells really get

    And Finally...

    1. "So, you want to go someplace afterward for some reindeer games?"

    Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

  2. #2
    sjflat's Avatar
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    Most amusing!
    Nova Merit: 2000-2003 // Irmschered Astra SRi: 2003-2005 // Leon Cupra R: 2005 - 2006 // Linea Rossa Convertible Turbo: 2006-2008 // BMW 840Ci: 2008 - 2012

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