A man breaks down (in his Golf) in the middle of nowhere. He starts walking and finds a small cottage. He knocks on the door and an old man answers the door.
"Hello, do you think i could stay the night? Its just that ive broken down and a lorry is picking my car up in the morning".
"Sure" replied the old man. "However i must warn you to stay away from my daughter. Touch her...and the 3 most terrible tortures will be inflicted upon you".
"Fair enough" answered the man.
However that night, the daughter crept into the mans room, and they spent an hour making love. Afterwards she went back to her own room.
When the man woke up, he found a boulder on his chest, with a note stuck on saying "boulder on chest = torture 1"
Without thinking, the man threw the boulder out the window. He noticed a note on the bed saying "torture 2 = left testicle stuck to boulder".
The man was in an extreme amount of agony. He thought it would be better to go out the window with the boulder instead of losing his testicle.
He leapt out the window. As he did so, he noticed another note on the window frame saying "Torture 3 = right testicle stuck to door handle".