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Thread: Murphy's Law: Antigravity cats

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    Shane's Avatar
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    Murphy's Law: Antigravity cats

    • Murphy's Law:
    If something can go wrong, it will


    If you throw a toast with butter to the air, it will always fall by the butter's side

    • Cats conservation law:
    A cat will always lands on its feet, standing on them.


    Textbook diagram of antigravitory cat theory

    So, what would happen if we stick a toast with butter to a cat's back and we throw it to the air? The cat, by law, will land on its feet, but the toast, (by law too) will land on the butter's side.
    Against this problem of physics laws, the nature chooses the best (and laziest, I think) way of taking a solution: the cat may just not fall

    The cat with the toast, once it's free in the air, will float to the so-called "balance point", where butter repulsion forces and cat forces are in balance. This point can be adjusted by removing some butter from the toast, adding it, or cutting some hairs (or legs) from the cat.

    In fact, most civilizated species in the universe already use this principle in order to build their UFO's. Thus, the buzzing that you can hear when you see an UFO is actually the purr from the cats. Anyway, there's a big danger in this. If the cat somehow is able to eat the butter on the toast, it will automagically fall, causing a great disaster.


    In 1977 A.C., Oscar Wilde, in trying to get two bisexual women back to his place at the same time, accidentally tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. "Oops," he said.

    The cat-toast hybrid fell at the constant acceleration of gravity until it stopped just above the ground, hovering. Both substances wanted to hit the ground first, canceling each other out.

    Oscar Wilde, always one to recognize the violation of laws of thermodynamics, found a way to harness the limitless potential energy of the hovering cat-toast creation to power his Uncyclopedia.

    All rumors about the Uncyclopedia being powered by a Stormtroopers vs. Red Shirts Device or a Wind farm are totally baseless.

    This is not to be confused with the mythical Kitten-PopTart Singularity.


    Some scientists think that creating antigravitatory cats is virtually impossible. They demonstrate it by doing the experiment by themselves.

    In order to do the experiment, you need
    • A toast
    • Butter
    • A cat
    • Some gluing dispositive

    Let's imagine you have that ready. Try to put the cat and the gluing dispositive together. See what happens?
    There is no cat!

    When the gluing dispositive and the cat are in the same tetradimensional space, the cat dissappears.

    There are three thinking schools that explain this:

    ===First theory===
    A cat is built by particles called "superquarks" (also called "meows"). These superquarks show both atomic (they are built of normal quarks) and feline qualities (so these quarks have charmed characteristics). But, the gluing dispositive isn't made of superquarks, so when cat and glue are put together, they cancel themselves. This theory, however, doesn't explain why it's the cat is the one who dissapears, and not the gluing dispositive.

    ===Second theory===
    Cats are pandimensional, superintelligent creatures. So, when they think they are in danger, they start to purr and travel to their origin dimension. The reason why the cats stay in this dimension is because here they find enough food and people stupid enough to feed them.

    ===Third theory===
    The cat runs away, scratching the idiot who tried to put glue on it.
    Defend Freedom. You are the resistance!

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