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  1. #1
    astranaut
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    Talking jokes

    please just put a lame or crap or amazing joke in



    i like jokes

  2. #2
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    buckle's Avatar
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    Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
    acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
    one off.

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    Adult Content

    Quote Originally Posted by astranaut
    please just put a lame or crap joke in



    i like jokes
    Alright then.... you asked for it. All unashamedly stolen from the Nissan Silvia site I go to.....and all of dubious quality.....I warned you....

    Wots green and smells like pork?

    Kermit the frog's fingers


    have you heard about the new mc donalds burger, its called a mc jackson, its a 40 year old piece of meat between two 5 year old buns


    what is the difference between michael jackson and a shopping bag?
    one is white, plastic and harmful to children, the other carries shopping


    What's better than winning a gold medal at the Paralympics?
    Being able to walk.


    What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
    A quadriplegic in a house fire.


    What's the definition of a high sperm count?
    She has to chew before she swallows.


    Q. Whats red and looks like a bucket?
    A. A red bucket


    Q. Whats blue and looks like a bucket?
    A. A red bucket in disguise


    Q. Whats invisible and looks like a bucket?
    A. No bucket


    Q. Whats yellow and will sink if you throw it in the pool?
    A. A bulldozer


    Q: Why do women get married in white?
    A: To match the kitchen appliances


    Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
    A: Cos the think us men give a damn


    why did the blonde shoot the mirror, she tried to commit suicide


    Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
    One stops sucking when you slap it.


    Why is an Irish Scud missile more accurate than an Iraqi Scud missile?

    Because it's got a pilot


    What do you call a line of blondes?
    Easy Street


    How do you know if a blonde sent you a fax?
    There's a stamp on it.


    What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown?
    Artificial intelligence.


    A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise.
    She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car.
    "Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside.
    "No, but it's okay -- I got the license plate number!"

    and one for the blondes

    Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
    A: So brunettes can remember them.


    How do you make a cat go "Woof "??

    Soak it in petrol and light it .............. "WOOF'!!



    How do you make a dog go "meow "??

    Leave it in the freezer for a couple of days, then run it through a bandsaw ................"MEEOOOWWW "!!


    White girl is going out with her Maori boyfriend. They go back to her place for some kinky action. Handcuffed to the bed, she says, "Come on baby, show me what you Maori guys are famous for!"

    So he bops her over the head and runs off with her stereo


    A lady going into town hops onto the bus with her baby. The driver takes one look at her and her baby and says "GOD DAMN, thats the ugliest baby ive ever seen !!"
    Shocked the lady slams her money into the tray and storms off to the back of the bus. The man she sits next to can see she is upset so asks her "Whats wrong ?"
    "Its that bus driver" she says, "he just insulted me"
    "Thats outrageous" says the man, "hes a public servant, he shouldnt be doing that"
    "You're right" she says "Im gonna go up there and give him a piece of my mind"
    "Thats a good idea" replies the man "ill hold your monkey"


    A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
    Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

    "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"

    So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?"

    The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

    ...dadoom chisssh

    That may be enough pain and agony for now. But there's still more to come.

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