HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN.

2. She is not BLONDE - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

3. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

4. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

5. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

6. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

7. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

8. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID STORAGEFACILITY

2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not GET LOST - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He is GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL.

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY
HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops RECTAL CRANIAL
INVERSION.

8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.