One night, Pinnochio's girlfriend says to him, "This stinks. Every time we make love I get splinters."
So Pinnochio goes to Gepetto to ask his advice. Gepetto says, "Sandpaper, my boy, that's all you need."
A few days later Gepetto runs into Pinnochio and says, "So how are you doing with the girls now?" Pinnochio says, "Who needs girls?"