An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"One nil." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!" A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Goal, one all!" After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Goal, two, one!"
Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, - "Goal, two all!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a another and says - "Another goal, three two!"
Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he shits the bed.
The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"
The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"