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Thread: Multiple jokes - vauxy styleee . . . .

  
  1. #1
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    Multiple jokes - vauxy styleee . . . .

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
    One turns to the other and says, "Dam".

    Two peanuts walk into a bar
    One was a salted.

    A jump-lead walks into a bar.
    The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

    A sandwich walks into a bar.
    The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
    "A beer please, and one for the road."

    Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
    The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.

    Two cannibals are eating a clown.
    One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

    "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
    "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
    "Is it common?"
    "It's not unusual."

    Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly
    "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
    "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
    "It's true, no bull!"

    Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
    One says, "I've lost my electron."
    The other says, "Are you sure?"
    The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

    A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
    "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
    So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
    "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
    "No, because he's really heavy"

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

    I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
    And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

    My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
    He was pulled in by a strong currant.

    Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with nuts & hundreds and thousands.
    Police say that he topped himself.

    Two fish are in a tank
    One says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you drive"

  2. #2
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    oh the madness!

    when i was reading thru them i thought of the last one - cept the variant i know was: one says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

    quality daftness at is bestest

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    heard most of them before, still make me laugh thou, especially the first 1

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    pmsl good ones mad cow


    Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

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    LOL John!! Oldies but goodies
    MINXY BUTLER-HENDERSON

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    Guy walks in a bar and says ouch
    it was an iron bar

    burly guy walks into a bar and shouts out "whos was the great dane tied to the lampost outside?"
    guy at the bar answers "aye, its mine. How?"
    "Cause i think ma dugs just kilt it"
    "what kind of dug ye got?"
    "A chiwawa"
    "How'd a chiwawa manage to kill a great dane?"
    "Dont know, think it must have stuck in its throat."

    Courtesy of B.Connoly

  7. #7
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    Lol @ John

    Two cows in a field
    One says to the other
    "What do you reckon on this mad cow disease ?"
    The other says
    "It dont bother me ......... I`m a duck"
    My Project Auto-Biography Thread: Skin of an Astra - Heart of a Monaro - Click here to read more!

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    Add d dave on Facebook
    Scottish Member? Have a peep at our Region For tints or wraps Click Here!!

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    Two Pubic hairs sitting on a toilet seat, the one pube says "when were gonna get off here" and the other pube says"when we get pis sed off

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