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Thread: Great Joke.....

  
  1. #1
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    Great Joke.....

    Warning...... Strong Language


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    An out of work pianist is strolling around the streets and bars of
    Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he see's a
    lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening
    performances'.

    'Fu**ing get in there you *****!' he says to himself and goes to the
    bar.

    'Get the fu**ing manager of this pig s*it middle class w*nkhole
    please you *****', he says to a somewhat startled barman.

    The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says.

    'Yes you can you fat piece of s*it, I saw your poxy advert in the
    c*nting window and I'm here to audition............w*nker.'

    The manager is naturally put off by the mans abrasive manner but his
    dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition.

    The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not
    too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman
    cries 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?'

    'That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called "Excuse me prime minister
    but I just j*zzed in your daughters eye,........ and now the c*nts
    blind...'

    'Oh' says the manager 'erh, can you play me another. Something a
    little less "lively".'

    'W*nker.....' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful
    ballad which leaves the manager in tears.

    The manager through his salty tear drops asks him the title.

    'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the
    sh*t box you get cr*p on your bell end.'
    'I see' says the manager. 'Have you got any songs with less offensive
    titles?'
    'Well theres my jazz number "Do you want me to split your r*ngpiece",
    or theres the epic "I dont care if your older my dear, you've still
    got nice jugs".

    'Look' says the manager interrupting 'I think you're a superb pianist
    but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on
    the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the
    audience.'

    '***** it' says the pianist 'Why not'.

    On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping
    up his reportoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The
    only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is
    a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side
    revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which
    boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.

    During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that
    he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot
    his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he
    rushes back to the stage and finishes his act.

    After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches
    him.

    'Hi' she says.

    'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.

    She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your c*ck is
    hanging out of your trousers, and sp*nk is dribbling onto your
    shoes?'

    'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
    'I ******** wrote it!!!'.

  2. #2
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  3. #3
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    ive heard it before but its ****in great
    YOUR FRIENDLY WINDSCREEN MAN

  4. #4
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    Hehehe, class

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    its the way ye tell im!!!!!!

  6. #6
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    every time i hear that joke it is funny
    Ibiza FR CR TDI with 203 BHP

  7. #7
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    lmao i love that joke...best thing is its told different every time
    -.. . - . -.-. - .. ...- . / -- --- .-. ... . / .. ... / -.. . .- -.. ?

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    good joke

  9. #9
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    haha
    that is so bloody funny
    Skuzzle - Powered by Badgerbyte Web & IT Services

  10. #10
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    Add d dave on Facebook
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