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Thread: Just for Vauxy- Men Bashing

  
  1. #1
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    tundoM's Avatar
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    Just for Vauxy- Men Bashing

    Oil Change instructions for Women:
    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
    last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee.
    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
    vehicle.
    Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Oil Change instructions for Men:
    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
    filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
    $50.00.
    2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for 20.00, drive
    home.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.
    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine.
    Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Unscrew drain plug with precision.
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
    Cuss.
    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
    kitty litter on spilled oil.
    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    15) Give up; crawl under car and with precision, hammer a screwdriver
    through oil filter and twist off.
    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing, oil
    everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash
    can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
    17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
    change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
    1 Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag
    pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole
    in back yard instead of taking it back to auto store to recycle.
    19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
    20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
    21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. Write check for $20.00.
    22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply with precision a thin
    coat of oil to gasket surface.
    23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
    25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
    along with drain plug.
    27) Drink beer.
    2 Shovel out hole and with precision, sift oily mud for drain plug.
    Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly
    cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain
    plug in lawnmower gas.
    29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
    kitty litter on oil spill.
    30) Drink beer.
    31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
    rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
    tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
    32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
    33) Begin cussing fit.
    34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
    35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
    (1992) and tore a hole in the left boob.
    36) Beer.
    37) Clean up hands and forehead and apply a bandage with precision to
    stop blood flow.
    3 Tape up Miss December with careful precision.
    39) Beer.
    40) Beer.
    41) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
    42) Beer.
    43) Lower car from jack stands.
    45) Beer.
    46) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
    47) Beer.
    4 Beer.
    49) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
    steps 23 - 43. 50) Beer.
    51) Test drive car.
    52) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
    53) Car gets impounded.
    54) Call loving wife, make bail.
    55) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:
    Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00
    Total-- $4165.00 -- But you know the job was done right.

  2. #2
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    Vauxylady's Avatar
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    ha ha


    Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

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    Ahh, but Vauxy can fit bonnet lifters, so I would'nt put it past her to try and change the oil !

  4. #4
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    thanks M4OCOO i do know where the dip stick is to check the oil lol


    Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

  5. #5
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    checking its one thing, changing it is another!

  6. #6
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    well i can change the oil too i have a good teacher
    i have replaced a rad too i don`t mind getting me hands dirty
    and i can put stickers on the right way round


    Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

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    The dipsticks tinting windows !

  8. #8
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    lol @ John!

    Quote Originally Posted by Vauxylady
    and i can put stickers on the right way round
    I'll let you off for that one....I hope it pisses down tomorrow :P

  9. #9
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    lol bit sour are we lol


    Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

  10. #10
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    lol whats this about stickers

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