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Thread: London Tube announcements

  1. #1
    Hazman 16v's Avatar
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    London Tube announcements

    here are a list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers
    have made to their passengers...

    Last 2 are my Fav!

    “Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I
    know you’re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be
    married to my ex-wife, in which case you’ll want to cross over to the
    Westbound and go in the opposite direction”.

    “Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering
    from E&B syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I’ll let
    you know any further information as soon as I’m given any.”

    “Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is
    that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great
    time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between
    Stratford and
    East Ham, which means we probably won’t reach our destination.”

    “Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a
    security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for
    foreseeable future, so let’s take our minds off it and pass some time
    together. All together now....’Ten green bottles, hanging on a

    “We are now travelling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker
    Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told
    me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don’t think about things
    like that”.

    “Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these
    professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to
    a registered charity, failing that, give it to me.”

    During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver
    announcedin a West Indian drawl: “step right this way for the sauna,
    ladies and gentleman... unfortunately towels are not provided”.

    “Let the passengers off the train FIRST!” (Pause ...) “Oh go on then,
    stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I’m going home....”

    “Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with ‘Please
    hold the doors open’. The two are distinct and separate instructions.”

    “Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that
    the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your
    bags into the doors.”

    “We can’t move off because some idiot has their f***ing hand stuck in
    the door”

    “To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the
    second carriage - what part of ‘stand clear of the doors’ don’t you

    “Please move all baggage away from the doors (Pause..) Please move ALL
    belongings away from the doors* (Pause...) This is a personal message
    to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train
    - put the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away
    from the door before I come down there and shove them up your a**e

    “May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed
    on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint,
    it’s only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage

    sólo espacio para uno de nosotros, nos movemos a mi amigo

  2. #2
    Minxy's Avatar
    The Sticker Queen
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    Roflmao!! Especially at the golfclubs!


  3. #3
    londonboy's Avatar
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