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Thread: a womens dictionary add more if you like

  1. #1
    Vauxylady's Avatar
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    a womens dictionary add more if you like

    Airhead (er*hed) n.
    What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

    Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
    A discussion that occurs when you're right but he just hasn't realized it yet.

    Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v.
    To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire".

    Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n.
    You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat, cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner".

    Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
    Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

    Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n.
    Gotta get married in a church.

    Childbirth (child*brth) n.
    You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, "Focus...breath...push...Good Girl!"

    Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
    A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a pound of M&M chocolate covered peanuts.

    Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
    The last two minutes of a football game.

    Exercise (ex*er*siz) v.
    To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

    Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
    Someone, who is able to create a style, you will never be able to duplicate again. See also "Magician".

    Lipstick (lip*stik) n.
    On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.

    Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.
    A day ,when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

    Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
    Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

    Zillion (zil*yen) n.
    The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.

    Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

  2. #2
    DANGERMOUSE's Avatar
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    Definately agree with the mascara and the hairdresser one - always the way!!

  3. #3
    Ffoeg's Avatar
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    Special Womans Dictionary!

    This is the word women uses at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. Incidentally, never use the word "fine" to describe how she looks. It will no doubt lead to an argument.

    Five minutes
    These words actually mean half an hour. It is the equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so women feel that it's an even trade.

    The word "nothing" means something and you should be on your guard immediately on hearing it uttered. It is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" is signal for an argument that will last "five minutes" and end with the word "fine".

    Go Ahead (Raised eyebrow)
    Said in conjunction with raised eyebrows, it actually means the opposite. The words "go ahead" are not permission to do something; on the contrary it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "fine."

    Go Ahead (Normal eyebrow)
    Said in conjunction with normal eyebrows, it should not be confused with the granting of permission either. It means, "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". It is normally precedes by a few seconds a raised eyebrow and the words "go ahead", followed by "nothing" and "fine". She will speak to you again in about "five minutes" when she cools off.

    Loud Sigh
    This is not actually a word, but it is an important form of communication between a man and woman. It is also very frequently misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "nothing"!

    Soft Sigh
    Again, not a word, but a statement. "Soft sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

    This word - followed by any statement - heralds big trouble. For example, "Oh, I spoke to him about what you were up to last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, just run - do not walk. She will tell you that she is "fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days.

    That's Okay
    This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done.
    "That's okay" is often used in conjunction with the word "fine" and a raised eyebrowed "Go ahead". Don't be fooled, once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

    Please Do
    This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's okay."

    The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say, "you're welcome".

    Thanks A Lot
    "Thanks a lot" is dramatically different from "thanks". A woman will say "thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "loud sigh". This signifies that you have hurt her in some way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "loud sigh," as she will only tell you "nothing".

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