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Thread: Some terrible jokes ...

  1. #1
    Cash's Avatar
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    Some terrible jokes ...

    I really havent used the 'chit chat' forum much, but now I am starting to forget all about the 'general chat' who cares about those bloody Astras anyway ! (OJ mat)

    long jokes are often fantastic... but they are better down the pub than being read

    so just for you, some short poor jokes ....

    Where does Saddam Hussein keep his CD's? In Iraq.

    My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong

    Two Palestinian women walking down a road in Jerusalem.
    One asks the other "Does my BOMB look big in this?

    A man walks into a bar, as he is sitting at the bar having a cheeky
    pint a women walks up to him and says my name is 'Carman' because I
    like cars and men. What's your name?
    The man responds Charlie Beercunt.

    Did you hear about the two fleas who were having sex in the
    They are expecting a baby in the spring.

    Why did the scarecrow win an award?
    Because it was outstanding in its field

    I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week,
    phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately
    she'd popped her clogs.

    Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for Christmas last year.
    He said it was the most violent book he had ever read.

    So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said "Is that the local
    swimming baths?? He said "It depends where you are calling from."

    Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
    people in my family, so one of them must be Chinese. I know it's not
    me, so it's either my mum or my dad, or my older brother Colin, or
    my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

    So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up,
    he said "you've been promoted", and I swerved off the road. And
    he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted" again. And
    I swerved again. Then he rang up a third time and said "You're now
    the Managing Director". And I swerved again and went into a tree.
    a policeman came up and said "What happened to you?? so I said
    "I careered off the road."

    So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you
    me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
    for it".

    There was the newpaper story about the four foot tall fortune
    teller who escaped from jail and the headlines ran "Small medium at

    A ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint,
    the crew are said to be marooned!

    Why is there no Disneyland in China?
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

    "You know, somebody actually complimented me
    on my driving today.They left a little note on the windscreen,
    it said 'Parking Fine.'
    So that was nice

    I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
    couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
    And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

    "He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.'
    I thought, 'That's a turn-up for the books."

    > "So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said I want to buy an
    > ice-cream'.
    > He said do you want Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.'

    Did you hear about the dyslexic who died choking on his own

    Why are there no headache tablets in the jungle??
    Because the 'parrots eat em all'

    A bloke walks into the psychiatrists wearing nothing but a
    pair of underpants made from cling film.
    The psychiatrist gets out of his chair and says
    "I can quite clearly see your nuts"

    Q) What do you get if you cross a garden vegetable with a fanny fart?
    A) A minge tout

    A man walks into a pub, and notices Vincent Van Gogh is standing at the
    "Do you want a pint, Vince?" he asks. "No, thanks," replies the artist.
    "I've got one 'ere."


    thats your lot for now

    sorry for them !

  2. #2
    Vauxylady's Avatar
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    lol theres some good ones there

    Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

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